“And they lived happily ever after” – how often we dream of fabulous love! But in the real world, we rarely come across princes and princesses. More often we meet ordinary people with our problems and disadvantages. Blogger Teresa Borchard tells how to build an ideal relationship with an imperfect partner.
Tony Robbins’s motivational speaker once said a very correct thing: “We are losing time in search of an ideal partner, instead of spending it on creating real, perfect love”.
It seems that the relationship begins by themselves. Everything happens as out of magic. But if we want these relations to be preserved, we will have to roll up the sleeves and get ready to sweat more than once.
My husband and I recently returned from a meeting with married couples who managed to survive medical problems, the infidelity of one of the spouses, financial crises and other trials that usually remain outside the novels and fairy tales.
Their stories sometimes seemed incredible. They left everyone who was next to them in the same room, with the feeling that infidelity, illness and other difficult things do not mean the end of the relationship. Sometimes this only precedes the happiest periods in the life of a couple.
Just imagine: no one expected and did not believe in these difficult times, how good it will be together when it ends! But they believed that it would be so.
Their wisdom literally shocked me, and I generalized it in 8 strategies.
1. Understand at what stage of relations you are now
Relations are a living organism that is constantly growing and changing. And he can take various forms. At first this is love: the brain is so saturated with dofamine that a simple joint campaign for groceries to a neighboring store looks like a cruise for the Caribbean.
But the second stage is inevitable – the loss of illusions. You start asking yourself if you
did your chosen one. At this time, in search of lost dopamine, some are looking for attention on the side.
For those whom crazy passion has once brought together, this period can develop into a third stage-complete rejection. The partner does not cause you anything but disappointment.
But if you recognize this period and pass it with dignity, the fourth stage of the relationship will follow it – even deeper than the one from which it all began.
2. Do not rely only on feelings
Now it is very fashionable to write about what you need to trust feelings. To find out and recognize your emotions is an important part of internal growth.
Nevertheless, your feelings are unreliable GPS for relationships. If even the navigator sometimes shows the wrong path, what to talk about emotions that factors such as stress, lack of sleep, and poor health can affect?
Whether you like it or not: a real relationship is not a collection of emotions, but a series of decisions that we consciously make. Every day, doing what is needed to maintain relationships, we cleanse the brain of some “electrical static voltage”, which can accumulate. And this gives more energy to just love each other.
3. Do not run away from confrontation
You know the expression: “Gold lies at the bottom of the river, but no one sees it”. The same can be said about conflicts and disputes. Let them not scare you – in this case, a feeling of fear can take away the false path.
It is very seductive to avoid conflicts at all or, conversely, to be pushed by a partner, to ensure that everything is as you want. But the conflict leads you to the point at which you can show your nobility, show that you respect your partner and play honestly.
So from conflicts, deeper relationships are born, more mature love. From confrontation, your general family “laws” appear. Let everyone have it differently, but in your family only this: not to start disputes, while one of you is hungry, tired. Do not make comments to the one who is driving. Do not remember the past and do not move to persons.
4. Understand yourself, realize your restrictions
Everyone has a baggage of a past life that forms our behavior and determines how we communicate with others. Many have already learned to protect themselves with the help of masks: a clown, caring hen or buller. The bottom line is that in relations with a partner these masks are very difficult. A loved one needs you real.
5. Do not just talk – communicate
When the two only met, they can speak for hours about everything in the world. But such conversations are only the beginning. A real dialogue begins when behind the words of a loved one you will feel real experiences and understand that your partner is a huge, complex and beautiful world.
6. Drawn to be honest
One of the strongest impressions of the seminar concerned openness and parity in a relationship. Give your heart to another in full possession, open and hope for its honesty. It sounds terrible for those who have already realized in childhood that not everyone should trust and not always. I got used to only open my heart for a while, so that it immediately tightly close it. But only faith in another and trust leads to the highest stage of relations where we feel real kinship.
It is one thing to open another heart in a fit of dopamine generosity. And another – to trust when you are faced with disappointment or doubt. Believe or not? Remember these words: “Glory to the brave men who dare to love, knowing that all this will come to an end. Glory to the madmen who live, as if they are immortal “.
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